Opinions. They´re everywhere. Much like their rhyming cousin Minions. They’re also everywhere in the form of memes and emotional quotes that have no reference to Minions. Minions are like opinions-all over the place and not always relevant or helpful. However unlike opinions, Minions rarely have any effect whatsoever on the way in which the people on the receiving end of the minions lead their lives. Opinions however are dangerous; opinions, comments, thoughts, statements all those things that people start giving out all the time without rhyme or reason, they’re all dangerous. This is not a post telling people not to have opinions. Far from it. This is here to tell y’all how to not care about what people think or have to say about what you are doing. But hold up there cowboys! (and cowgirls of course, you are all equally important) if you are a naughty type of person that likes stealing things or kicking dogs and people keep having a go at you about it all the time, don’t read this and feel empowered and do more kicking dogs. Just don’t kick dogs ok. This here is a bit of advice on how to lead the life you want (as long as it isn’t harmful to others or dogs) without being worried about what all the other twats have to say.
The way you look. Human beings have been having a good look at themselves for a really long time. I’m sure the first person to have a look at themselves in the reflection of a river couldn’t stop staring at themselves for a whole afternoon. What a lovely afternoon that would have been, the discovery of your own face. These days however if I stare at myself all afternoon I get called vain and self-obsessed and fired from my job. That wasn’t the point. These days we are all much more self-aware, and with this comes self-consciousness. Now we all have different faces and bodies and we’ve known that for ages. (if you didn’t already know that then you have been staring at your own reflection for years and nobody has ever stopped you, why is this the first thing you’ve read? Go and read something better like Matilda.) There are some people that are going to want to say mean things to you about your face and body parts. Maybe you’ve said some mean things about other people’s face and body parts yourself. Unfortunately, everybody is a bit of a bell end deep down and you are going to get called a pointy nosed twat once in a while, that’s life. You can’t just go around getting nose jobs all the time, it’s not economically possible for most people. So how do we deal with the issue, I know you’ve been waiting ages for the secret formula. Maybe It’s something bullshit like “love the skin you’re in” or “beauty is only skin deep”. Whilst those things are idealistic and correct, it would be brilliant to love the skin you’re in all the time, but most of us don’t like our own skin sometimes, it’s a volatile relationship one has with their own skin. If you are unhappy with the way you look, maybe you look like a troll and you’re
not a troll. (if you are a troll ignore this bit, you’re wonderful the way you are.) If there are changes you can make to your body that would make YOU happy (YOU, is capitalised on purpose for emphasis ok?), then by all means have a little change, But if you just get a bit insecure sometimes because somebody makes you feel bad based on their perception of body image then it’s as simple as this. Yo fuck that person. Don’t have sex with them, that’s weird. Unless it’s like a primary school will they won’t they, saying nasty things cause they secretly like each other, in that case yes maybe have sex with Robert from work. But if it is a standard human being, being mean because you don’t fit in with their personal standards then wipe that mother fucker out of your life. If, on the other hand it is somebody you’re in love with or in a relationship with and they are putting you down about your weight or pulling your ears out and laughing at family parties. Then that person does not deserve your time. I don’t know how love works all the time but I do know that when you love somebody truly you love them all over and even when they look really different upside down. Now if you keep dying your hair all the time and your partner is worried that your hair might fall out and says stop dying your hair, that may still be love cause people in love get worried about shit. But if they just tell you your hair is stupid all the time tell them to piss off.
So when it come to the things you can or can’t change about your body here are the key points
- If the changes are for your own reasons, then go for it.
- If you are trying to change to fit the agenda of somebody else that is not in line with your own, then stop doing that. Just stop doing that.
- If somebody says they love you and then calls you a fat twat and pushes you over, they don’t love you how you should be loved. So stop giving them hand jobs or whatever.
- If somebody that has no impact on your life but simply exists within it, i.e. a work colleague or somebody you see in a bar, says something mean about the way you look then cut them out of your life. If you can’t cut them out shut them out, cause ultimately opinions don’t count if you don’t have connection with the person more than just their existence
- Finally, I’d like to say that you’re all beautiful to me. But that isn’t true. We all have our own perceptions
of beauty and just because you aren’t everybody’s cup of tea doesn’t mean you aren’t somebody’s tequila sunrise. Wow that was profound I hope that ends up on a minion meme.
The way you dress. Lots of the same points as above here. So if you only care about not caring about what people think about the way you dress and have skipped to this part. Don’t be a dick read the whole blog. Most things are only relevant in context, we learnt that in the introduction because of the minion thing, which you now don’t get because you skipped to this part, you are an idiot. Anyhow, the way you dress is slightly different because you have complete control over that. I would also like you to consider, hairstyles, tattoos, make up and all that other fun stuff in this section. There is no doubt that music and films and general life has a huge impact on what we think is wicked and cool and bad ass. That being said you still have a choice. The things that one person thinks are wicked and cool and badass are not the same as others and we know that don’t we people who read the first part of the blog. It’s interesting because the way we present ourselves can give an insight into the way we think and feel about things like music and stuff. One can assume that a goth likes heavy metal and that a “Roadman” (I hope writing that has mad this blog seem hip and up to date, bae.) likes spitting at buses. But these things aren’t always true, sometimes people just like the clothes they wear. Now you have a choice here, remember you can dress however you want whenever you want. If you want to be a clown all the time, be a bloody clown but for god’s sakes own that shit. You get to make all your own choices (unless your Amish or on a reality TV show) and if you want to do something you should do it with pride. Don’t dress to fit in, dress in what you like. Don’t get a tattoo just because your mate got one and you thought that you should get a dragon tattoo. Don’t get a dragon tattoo because of the girl with the dragon tattoo, that’s ridiculous. Go out there and have a bit of the life you want and have it how you want. If somebody says your clothes are stupid, then that’s just another person you don’t need in your life. It’s like a process, you can weed out all the people not suited to being your friend or lover by dressing how you like and if they like that then they might like the same things as you. Even if they don’t then at least you can learn stuff from them and wear your wicked and cool and badass clothes whilst you’re doing it. so here it is, the secret, wear what you want and be happy that you live in a country that lets you do that.
Ok quick break. The first two were superficial but important. Now its gonna get heavy. Bring the beat in.
Relationships. A wise woman (my mum) once said don’t get involved in other people’s relationships because they will make up with each other before they make up with you. Thanks mum. The problem with people’s views on your relationships is that they don’t know how it feels to be in it. They get snapshots and sometimes snapchats, little tiny pictures of you and your lover doing things. Nothing creepy. But your friends and family are the ones that hear about the arguments and the door slamming. That’s because we only really talk about things when we are upset and need advice. It would be dreadful if everybody went around describing their relationships in great detail all the time. “So me and Robert finally got together and yesterday he made me spaghetti and gave me a back rub and sometimes he do
es the shopping online and he tells me he loves me” fair play to Robert, he seems nice but that shit is boring. All the nice things get overlooked and that’s cool, it’s the premise of life. Nobody would watch coronation street if Steve wasn’t banging away with different women all the time but instead taking care of the first one and going for picnics. It is also worth noting that negativity outshines positivity sometimes. Nobody will remember the flowers and jelly beans but they will remember the crying and not putting the seat down. When it comes to your own relationships people will always have something
to say and by no means am I suggesting that they don’t have your best interests at heart, but I would suggest that when it comes to this you should go with how you feel and not how your grandma feels. But do visit your grandma as often as you can cause usually grandmas are nice. If you have a skanky ass grandma that throws stuff at you and says racist things, still visit her but be careful.
Interests and views. This is a tough one. Because you should consider often other people’s interests and views, that’s how you learn and build your own. However, you should not start changing how you feel about things to fit in or make things easier. There is some quote somewhere about being passionate about the things we love because that’s the meaning of life or something. Whatever it was, it means, do something because you really love it and want to. Don’t waste time not doing all the stuff you like because other people don’t like it. if you like making Minion quotes then make a shit tonne of them and post them all over the internet. If you like kites then fly kites, if you like getting black out drunk and waking up at a stranger’s house then that’s ok too. Be careful with the second on though because kites are dangerous. Going back to an earlier point if something is making you truly happy and isn’t a danger to yourself or those around you then you should just do it. do all of it. keep doing it until you get fed up or die. That’s what life is about according to a quote I can’t remember. If you’re a liberal or a tory, a vegetarian or a hunter, a Muslim or Christian or scientologist or all of the other religions that are extremely important and acknowledged but I don’t want to type them all. If those things are your views and thats what you believe in. then believe in it all, just do a journey and don’t stop believing. This is the important part though, don’t start making other people feel bad if they don’t agree with you because that makes you a dick bag.
Finally let’s end with some general tips
for not caring about minions or opinions but always caring about Matilda. I think that was the point. anyway we must press on.
- There are loads of dickbags and they are gonna say stuff no matter what you do, even if you please one dickbag by changing, you’ll piss off some other dick bag. Just have a little go at doing what you want.
- Do what makes you happy as much as you can, as long as it doesn’t upset your grandma even if she does throw racist things at you.
- Don’t be racist even if it upsets your grandma
- Its ok to have an opinion and it is mostly useful but don’t make people feel shitty cause of your opinion.
- If you fall in love don’t let them tell you what you should look like or behave like. People should love you for you. That one was for you trolls.
- Always read blogs from the start or the writer might pre-empt your reading ahead
and then humiliate you within the blog.
- Don’t stare at yourself in the mirror for the whole afternoon unless you’ve just discovered your face.
I would like to conclude this by saying that everybody should just do what they want and if they find people that want to do what they want to then that’s great. If you don’t want to do what somebody wants, then don’t do it. But the rules of this are very important, doing what you want is ok as long as you don’t kick dogs or be a dick bag about it.
Hope you liked this post, or whatever. I don’t care.